2016 changed me
2017 broke me
2018 opened my eyes
2019 I’m coming back
Another 365 days around the sun and I’m reviewing my past year like many humans. A friend shared a post on social media that got my attention. I shared it too.
2016 changed me 2017 broke me 2018 opened my eyes 2019 I’m coming back
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As 2016 wrapped, I couldn’t see the light. Darkness consumed my mind and I dealt with it by jumping from depression to mania. I went days without talking to my parents or friends. Then suddenly, I’d call sobbing about wanting to die. Even good moments would be stalked by thoughts that the next day would see a return to darkness. Fueled by my insecurities, I lashed out at the easiest target, my girlfriend Elise. My fear silenced me and I constantly rejected help.
Hopefully, I can stick to my intentions and maintain a brief update. I intend to own my story but that will take time. This blog does not exist as a rant space for me; my journal gets that privilege. Here I try to post after necessary introspection. Also, I have a goal of being a writer and don’t want to give away my material for free.
First and foremost, my grand trip WWOOFing is no longer happening this year - and possibly ever. I need to post this news for two reasons: to explain to my donors why their funds are being returned and to assure any potential employers that I no longer have plans to leave for Alaska and Hawaii. Two days after Easter 2017, I entered an outpatient mental health facility and began going to group therapy. Focusing on self care cost a good deal of money - not to mention effort! With focus and plenty of outside help, I began to see issues that I had refused to face. I am by no means cured and every day can be a new can of worms in waiting. The difference being that now I have tools and reach out to my supports more readily. Professionally, I am steering my focus toward two avenues. SWF in search of:
I want adventure and I believe that can come in a variety of ways. However, I found it is not working a “comfortable” corporate accounting job and traveling on the weekends.
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AuthorAshton Varner: Class Clown. Lover of Food. Adventurer. Archives
May 2024
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